Contemplations and Reflections 
A place to unload my mental baggage.

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Sunday, February 15, 2004

I was driving down the road on my way back to Nova, trying to call up Dave to settle my turbulent spirit and to make peace with him. I don't care if he wants to ignore me for a while, because frankly i dont feel much like repouring my heart out to him either. Anyway, it was really funny the three things I was considering:
1. get wildly drunk and doing everything I've ever been curious about, things that could potentially hurt both Dave and I. Obviously this choice was out of the running very quickly, but it was a choice nonetheless.
2. prostrate myself entirely in submission for the health of our relationship, going over what I perceived myself doing wrong, begging forgiveness, and vowing to try earnestly to never allow myself to get so out of control ever again. This was a much more realistic possibility, but rereading the anger and spite I recorded lastnight to Ingenuous, I felt that I deserved to retain more dignity than this option would have allowed. After all, only by trying to be more fun did I end up ruining the night
3. Fuck and number three is the default option. Leave him a nice little voicemail and wait on his fucking whim to open the lines and communicate with me again. Fuck I'm starting to get aggrivated again. I was all for #2 in the car and now that i'm back and the work is piling and I'm so distracted, just pretending it isnt there is looking awfully inviting...

Off to force myself to concentrate.
Elizabeth posted this at 6:32 PM.