Contemplations and Reflections 
A place to unload my mental baggage.


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Thursday, March 13, 2003

 
Have you ever gotten upset or had a fight, but later on forgotten what it was about while retaining the negative feelings? It sucks. It is frustrating and confusing and prolongs the hurt, perhaps unnecessarily. I feel drained emotionally, and very prone to physical upset. I want to scream and cry and beat my denim reading pillow to a fluffy pulp.

Perhaps we invent troubles and turmoil so that we are sure our relationships stay strong. Perhaps we cannot function without something to quarrel over. I just know that it shouldn't be that way. It leaves people feeling bad or sad or mad. Why is it that the people we love most have the ability to hurt us the worst? I think it is because we open ourselves the widest to those we love. This is a double edged sword, for not only do we allow great amounts of love to be poured into our souls, but we also intensely vulnerable to any hurt, purposed or unintentional, that may come our way from those we care about most deeply.

Why is it that we write best (or most often) when we're "unhappy"? (I am very careful with how I use the concept of happiness.) Who wants to write when they are full of joy and fully conscious of their happiness? This is why we write best upset. We are full of emotion and thought and reflection and hurt that is just waiting to be poured out in one form or another. Some write, exercise, scream, hurt other people, read, do math problems (don't dare make fun of me), sing, drive, etc., but if you think about it they are all releases for pent up energy.

It is nearly tomorrow and I must prepare for my three quizzes.

Goodnight and God bless.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth posted this at 11:41 PM.